30 in 30 by 30: Fiesta at Fillmore's

This is the twenty-third in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Yesterday, I had a fiesta at Fillmore's Dairy Hut.


fiesta face

In case you don't know, Fillmore's is a diner that serves burgers, Cincinnati-style chili and a crapload of awesome desserts. It's for the times when you want some delicious and decidedly not-gourmet.

I asked the teen behind the counter to elucidate for me which of the menu offerings was most decadent. He gave me a vacant stare and mumbled that he didn't know what "decadent" meant.

I felt, possibly for the first time, like a bona fide crotchety 30-year-old.



...And then I ate this, a "fiesta," for dinner.

There's no cure for feeling old like eating your weight in sprinkles.

30 in 30 by 30: The Proust Questionnaire

This is the twenty-second in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Today, I complete the Proust Questionnaire.


Ahhhhh yes. I am a philosophe.

My mom told me that I should use this time to mark who I am as I stand on the cusp of three decades.

With that in mind, I put on my philosophical beret (above) and answered a bunch a questions about myself.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? 
The nap you take on Sunday afternoon after getting intimate.

2. What is your greatest fear?
Isolation.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 
My chronic need for positive reenforcement.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? 
Inauthenticity.

5. Which living person do you most admire? 
Bill Clinton.

6. What is your greatest extravagance? 
I just paid way too much for a purse I don't need...

7. What is your current state of mind? 
I'm drinking kombucha and talking about myself. I'm in Heaven.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? 
Temperance.

9. On what occasion do you lie?
I'm a big fan of hyperbole when telling stories.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Quincy tells me I have "nose bushes." I guess I need to trim my nose hairs?

11. Which living person do you most despise? 
Callie Clare's ex-boyfriend.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man? 
Thoughtfulness.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? 
Forthrightness.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 
"No worries." "I don't make the rules."

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? 
Quincy. And nachos.

16. When and where were you happiest? 
I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing, but I'm ecstatic quite frequently.

Actually, the first hilarious thought that comes to mind is years ago when skinny dipping with friends near Big Bone. Callie fell over while walking on the dock in the nude and she was so mad and belligerent, I didn't think I'd ever stop laughing.

17. Which talent would you most like to have? 
Consistency.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
It would be cool if my feet were slightly smaller, though I love being able to swap shoes with my momma.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Perhaps it was weathering the end of business relationship and a romantic relationship at the same time.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? 
I would love to be an opera singer and fill Music Hall with my big, loud voice.

21. Where would you most like to live? 
I love Kentucky but I would like to visit everywhere, please.

22. What is your most treasured possession? 
The quilt my mom made for me.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being bored/boring.

24. What is your favorite occupation? 
Creative writing.

25. What is your most marked characteristic? 
My ridiculous, theatrical cackle.

26. What do you most value in your friends? 
An absurd sense of humor.

27. Who are your favorite writers? 
I'm totally in love with Rex Stout, even though he says "try and" instead of "try to."

28. Who is your hero of fiction? 
Cher from Clueless.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? 
Theodore Roosevelt.

30. Who are your heroes in real life? 
Mom, for her insight. Dad, for his wisdom. Quincy, for his drive. Laurie, for her hilarity. Alex, for his good-natured humor. Callie, for her general awesomeness.

31. What are your favorite names? 
Frances. May. Luella. Delce.

32. What is it that you most dislike? 
Mustard.

33. What is your greatest regret? 
Before 9/11, when I was in high school, my friends would go to the airport and talk to travellers who were coming and going. I regret that I never did that.

34. How would you like to die? 
I'd like to keel over right after revealing the punchline of a stupid, cheesy joke.

35. What is your motto?
Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.

30 in 30 by 30: Tubing

This is the twenty-first in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Sunday, I went tubing on the Whitewater River.


totes afloat

A fabulous flotilla of friends and I took a leisurely tube through Green Acres Canoe and Kayak Rental.

Though it was a little too chilly to be submerged, it was incredibly relaxing to just pass the sunny part of the day bobbing in a backwater.



Lovely.

30 in 30 by 30: Swim in a Saltwater Pool

This is the twentieth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Saturday, I swam in a saltwater pool for the very first time.


a dip takes a dip

In case you don't know, using saltwater is a viable alternative to chlorinating pools.

Alright, so this is a pretty weak adventure. I don't care. Saturday was my awesome best friend Callie Clare's birthday and celebrating her birth was the order of the day.

The 30 in 30 undertaking is all about doing things I've never done. And while I've definitely spent time with my hilarious English major soulmate, surrounded by loved ones and having good fun, I don't do it nearly enough.

Adventure: Achieved.

30 in 30 by 30: Pear Picking

This is the nineteenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Friday, I plucked a pair of pears from a pretty perennial.


plucky

My awesome best friend Callie is housesitting for a friend and this friend just happens to have a small orchard on her property.

Why not hop around the grounds while guzzling wine with one of my favorite people on a Friday night?


nice pear


wine and dine

So the pears were hard and tart. So are we.

30 in 30 by 30: Burning a Bra

This is the eighteenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Thursday, I totally burned this mother down...


Ta ta, ta-ta container!

This is a bra that I've owned for approx. 928 years. It SUCKS.

One day last month, I found myself in a bad mood at work. I grumble unbecomingly in my cube. I frowned in meetings. I couldn't write copy to save my life.

Then it dawned on me: I was being slowly tortured into an irritable frenzy by the heinous and hurtful undergarment encircling my upper half. After work, I went directly to a fine purveyor of brassieres and bought a replacement.

But what to do with the remaining evil underwire?

Set it on fire, of course.


Come on baby, light my brassiere.


underpinnings a flambé


brassiere brasserie



Besides making a spectacle of myself by dragging an ancient (and may I add, depressing) hooter holder around Alms Park, this was a fantastically fun and liberating experience.

Though, that may just be the fumes from fried polyester talking.

30 in 30 by 30: Professional Pedicure

This is the seventeenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Today, I got my first professional pedicure.



...And I got to experience it with two of my favorite people!



Today is my momma's fifty-ninth birthday. Hi Mom! You rule!

So, to celebrate, Mom, my sister and I went to Mi Salon, where Harmony, Lindsay and Dyla pampered our paws and I came perilously close to passing out in my vibrating massage chair.

So fancy! And my peds have never been more perfect:



...Hopefully the glamorous toes distract from the mountains of leg hair.

Anyway, this was a fun luxury but the best part was laughing with my mom, my sister and three incredibly friendly and funny pedicurists.

Here's to happy toes and a happy heart! Oh, and a very happy birthday, Mom!

30 in 30 by 30: Fox Sports Ohio Girl

This is the sixteenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Today, I completed an application to be a Fox Sports Ohio Girl.



You may be asking, Since when do you care about Fox, sports or Ohio?

Fair question.

Alright,  so I didn't even know that there were Fox Sports Ohio Girls until a week ago, when my MVP of a BIL sent me the link to apply to be one.

From what my dad told me, you don't even need to know about sports to be a Fox Sports Ohio Girl. Apparently, he ran into these ladies on Fountain Square a while back.

"Becky," he said, disappointment wracking his face, "They didn't even know about the infield fly rule."

So, I went to make a little profile. They need two photos and a one-minute video to assess your worthiness. I thought it was weird that they stipulated that no bathing suits, lingerie or nudity was allowed.

It's a beauty pageant without a swimsuit competition or a talent contest?



So, I decided to make a funny video around the theme of being "almost sexy."

I went to the thrift store (fortuitously on Dollar T-shirt Day!) and stocked up on Ohio sports shirts. Then, shed each one throughout my audition:



I was greatly heartened when it totally cracked my mom up.

I submitted my application about an hour ago and was totally disappointed to learn that it must be approved before it's visible. Sigh.

I'll let you know if/when it goes live... I'm kind of nervous that the arbiters of taste at Fox won't find my submission worthy.

30 in 30 by 30: Psychic Consultation

This is the fifteenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Monday, I consulted a clairvoyant psychic medium!



This is Amber Ralynn and she is a fourth generation clairvoyant empath.



Four about 45 minutes, she pulled cards from various decks and spoke to the spirit of my deceased grandmother.

I kind of adored her and her attitude. She was funny and positive and really wanted to help me out with whatever spiritual questions I conjured.



I told her that I was turning 30 in a couple weeks and looking for whatever guidance she could give to make my next 30 years marvelous.

This was her cheat sheet for me after our encounter:



I will now lay my (non-Tarot) cards on the table: I'm not sure what I expected but I never got the feeling that Amber told me anything earth-shattering.

She said I needn't feel guilty saying no when others put their burdens on me. Not to be a douche, but I seldom feel guilty. When I rue a random act, I confront it head-on and try to make amends. I always forgive myself. I am myself's number one fan!

And between you and me, I imagine you could tell any woman between the ages of 25 and 65 to learn to say "no" more often, and they would be grateful for the advice.

She went on to explain that others have big plans for me and I should trust my instincts as far as creating my own path. I suppose a part of me needed to hear that because I've rather been wrestling with whether to trust my gut of late. I keep thinking of the line from High Fidelity:

Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.

Sure, we should all trust our instincts. But I've gotten my little feelings fried a number of times so it's hard to know when the nagging voices are my fears tugging at me or the reliable voice of intuition.

My favorite part of the evening was when she said that I needed to spend time alone near and/or in water. I think this means my psychic has officially endorsed the houseboat trip I have planned in the next few weeks!

This was an expensive experiment ($90 for 45 minutes, though she did knock $10 off because of my birthday) and one that I probably won't be too eager to repeat anytime soon. I'm incredibly glad I tried it but I didn't feel any more enlightened than if I'd spent some time with my momma.

And my mom feeds me... For free!

30 in 30 by 30: American Sign Museum

This is the fourteenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Sunday, Quincy and I hit the American Sign Museum.


royal pain

Alright, I'll admit that the concept of a cache of placards doesn't necessarily sound astounding.

But the American Sign Museum is an exhilarating amalgamation of relics that illustrate the best of art, science and commerce. It's a unique art form that elegantly captures popular culture and distills the Zeitgeist of any given era.

Plus, come on. These signs just look cool.


crotch-ety


What's all the hubbub, bulb?


getting tired


pops-top

Admission was $15 each but since we showed an hour before closing, the nice folks at the front desk gave us the student rate of $10. I'd say these pictures were well worth the price, no?

30 in 30 by 30: Making Bone Knives

This is the thirteenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Saturday, I totally carved a knife out of a bone!


Wanna bone?

Nearby Big Bone Lick State Park has been a spot of historical import for centuries due to the salt lick onsite.

To showcase the plethora of prehistoric connections found on the grounds, ranger and historian Todd Young showed me, Quincy and a group of other curious classmates how Native Americans would have constructed knives out of animal bones.


Quincy, holding bone


Femur impersonator

It turns out that my coworker Daniel was also in attendance. He let me talk his ear off all afternoon. Thanks, man!



The process for transforming your metatarsal into a shiv in the paleolithic fashion includes using a hunk of flint to score a line down each side...



...Then hitting it with a rock until it breaks in two.



You wrap your handle in deer hide and you're good to gash.

My bone knife needed a lot more sanding (on hunks of sandstone!) and sharpening, but after 4 hours in a sweltering grove, I was ready to crawl into some A/C and scarf some lunch.

I was incredibly impressed with Todd's depth of knowledge, patience with the class and generosity - He let us take home chunks of sandstone and flint so that we could perfect our points in private! And he answered endless questions about primitive life and naturalistic living.

He's the kind of guy that gets really excited by the prospect of crafting his own hammock from native vines. He's awesome.

30 in 30 by 30: Russell Theatre Tour

This is the twelfth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Friday, I toured the Russell Theatre in Maysville, Kentucky with some pretty awesome loved ones!



I wrote about the Russell last summer, and touring it has been an obsession ever since.



Dedicated locals have raised the funds to restore the lobby, above, but there is still a ton of work to be done...



While standing on the stage is not a standard portion of the tour, our guide was gracious since this is an adventure in honor of my birthday... I'm an awfully lucky lady.



I highly encourage you to "like" the Russell on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. You can tour the theatre on July 28... I can't recommend it enough.



I will be eternally grateful for Luanne K. Mattingly and John DeMoya for making this tour happen!

30 in 30 by 30: The Opera

This is the eleventh in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Thursday, I saw my very first opera!


A very nice man with a British accent took this picture for us.

Steve and I hit Music Hall for Aida.

It was beautiful, opulent and featured live horses on stage. So awesome.

Not only that, but it was an excuse to get gussied up and be fancy. I love those.


Steve has a new smartphone. This is first selfie!

And, I want to say how refreshing it was to see people with totally standard body types - though impressive pipes - acting out a love story onstage. With over-the-top costumes, soaring scores and incredible staging, a little bit of imperfect figure really made my night.

Who wants to see Carmen next June?

30 in 30 by 30: Police Ride-Along

This is the tenth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Yesterday, I totally cruised around in a police car!


I wear a hat just like a Mountie. I'm the sheriff of Boone County.

This is Boone County Sheriff Deputy Tony Theetge. He is awesome.

(I'm not permitted to publish photos taken during my ride-along for privacy reasons. And probably because the internet is not ready for the intense attitude I captured from my armed chaperone.) 

For three and a half hours, Tony showed me the ropes of policing Kentucky's northernmost county, from the technology he uses to the lingo favored by this fellow law enforcement officials.

There are lots of stereotypes associated with police officers and few of them are particularly pleasant. But Tony and everyone I met at the Boone County Sheriff's Department was particularly propitious, patient and
professional.

Cops have hard jobs, y'all. And Tony performs with aplomb.

He even let me sit in the back of the cruiser! This is what it felt like:


scared silly

As I watched Tony gently interact with diverse people who weren't always at their best, I remembered why I don't even like to watch old episodes of Cops. It's hard to be a party to the tragic trainwrecks that are the lives of our fellow man.

But, corny as it sounds, talking to Tony gave me hope. He believes in karma, has a heartfelt dedication to the service aspect of his work and does his best to treat everyone with respect.

For every disoriented disaster of an individual, there are dudes like Deputy Theetge, trying to improve lives one night at a time.

Not a bad lesson to learn on a Wednesday night.

30 in 30 by 30: Milkshake Debacle

This is the ninth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Tuesday, I... Well. Ugh.


You can't really see it but the thigh to the right is soggy and subboreal.

Tuesday, I dumped a half-full milkshake directly into my lap.

I had big plans for Tuesday night. A little project has come to my attention and I'm pretty excited about making it part of the 30 in 30. I bought supplies and made plans with my sister and her hubs for some artistic undertaking.

And then.

And then, I tossed approx. 928 ounces of frosty chocolate-banana milkshake into the ground zero of my crotch.


The culprit.

And then I realized it was 11 p.m. and I was tired and cold and sticky.

Since I've never before wasted a frozen confection in such a spectacular manner, I decided that yes, it counts as a 30 in 30 adventure.

One that I hope never to repeat.

30 in 30 by 30: Circle Line V 'Ghost Ship'

This is the eighth in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Monday, I went in search of a ghost ship.


"Yoo hoo! Ghost ship!"

I say "went in search of" because I'm not really sure I saw this otherworldly vessel.

The Sachem, or Circle Line V, is a historic yacht that is half-submerged and rotting in a creek out in Petersburg. Built in 1902, the ship served in both world wars, hosted swanky folks, made an appearance in a Madonna video and eventually, was sailed from from the re-dedication of the Statute of Liberty in 1986 to Boone County, Kentucky, where it has done very little since.

The spooky sloop is atrophying in Taylor Creek, alongside Lawrenceburg Ferry Road.

Whether or not we actually saw this yacht is under debate because: the road/creek was overgrown (duh, it's July); I wasn't wearing appropriate hiking clothes (duh, I'm me); Mom and Dad were freaked out by the Deliverance-like setting (there are definitely reports of residents firing shotguns at nosy tourists): and I had a terrible and sudden case of gastrointestinal distress (I will elaborate no further).

I jumped around on the side of the road, claimed to see something through the vegetation, and Quincy took a picture of me. End of adventure.


If you see a boat in there, you're a better adventurer than I.

I totally want to come back once the underbrush is less overwhelming because this boat is apparently a sight to see. Plus, the drive to the outer reaches of rural Kentucky with my parents and my man was just lovely. Boone County is beautiful, y'all.

In the meantime, I highly recommend this fantastic Queen City Discovery blog post and this compelling Kentucky Enquirer article.

Catch you later, supernatural schooner!

30 in 30 by 30: Reptile Show

This is the seventh in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.


Thanks to R and R Dragons for letting me manhandle this handsome fella.

Quincy and I hit the Cin City Reptile Show this morn!

This is going to sound stupid but I didn't expect there to be so many... Well, reptiles. It was tables and tables of tiny heartbeats in Chinese take-out containers.

My man and I aren't in the market for any scaley companions but various vendors were completely cool with us "window shopping" and asking stupid questions. It's clear when someone is following their passion and the people peddling lizards and snakes today in Mason were obviously living their respective dreams.

I suppose the most exciting thing next to a handful of lizard is talking to folks who are in their element.


goodness snakes


frog on


shell out



Then Quincy and I ate worms! Mmmm.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to undertake 30 Random Acts of Kindness but you know what? I don't think that's going to happen.