30 in 30 by 30: The Proust Questionnaire

This is the twenty-second in my 30 in 30 by 30 series, wherein I undertake 30 adventures in 30 days before I turn 30 years old on Aug. 6.

Today, I complete the Proust Questionnaire.


Ahhhhh yes. I am a philosophe.

My mom told me that I should use this time to mark who I am as I stand on the cusp of three decades.

With that in mind, I put on my philosophical beret (above) and answered a bunch a questions about myself.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? 
The nap you take on Sunday afternoon after getting intimate.

2. What is your greatest fear?
Isolation.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 
My chronic need for positive reenforcement.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? 
Inauthenticity.

5. Which living person do you most admire? 
Bill Clinton.

6. What is your greatest extravagance? 
I just paid way too much for a purse I don't need...

7. What is your current state of mind? 
I'm drinking kombucha and talking about myself. I'm in Heaven.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? 
Temperance.

9. On what occasion do you lie?
I'm a big fan of hyperbole when telling stories.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Quincy tells me I have "nose bushes." I guess I need to trim my nose hairs?

11. Which living person do you most despise? 
Callie Clare's ex-boyfriend.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man? 
Thoughtfulness.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? 
Forthrightness.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 
"No worries." "I don't make the rules."

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? 
Quincy. And nachos.

16. When and where were you happiest? 
I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing, but I'm ecstatic quite frequently.

Actually, the first hilarious thought that comes to mind is years ago when skinny dipping with friends near Big Bone. Callie fell over while walking on the dock in the nude and she was so mad and belligerent, I didn't think I'd ever stop laughing.

17. Which talent would you most like to have? 
Consistency.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
It would be cool if my feet were slightly smaller, though I love being able to swap shoes with my momma.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Perhaps it was weathering the end of business relationship and a romantic relationship at the same time.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? 
I would love to be an opera singer and fill Music Hall with my big, loud voice.

21. Where would you most like to live? 
I love Kentucky but I would like to visit everywhere, please.

22. What is your most treasured possession? 
The quilt my mom made for me.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being bored/boring.

24. What is your favorite occupation? 
Creative writing.

25. What is your most marked characteristic? 
My ridiculous, theatrical cackle.

26. What do you most value in your friends? 
An absurd sense of humor.

27. Who are your favorite writers? 
I'm totally in love with Rex Stout, even though he says "try and" instead of "try to."

28. Who is your hero of fiction? 
Cher from Clueless.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? 
Theodore Roosevelt.

30. Who are your heroes in real life? 
Mom, for her insight. Dad, for his wisdom. Quincy, for his drive. Laurie, for her hilarity. Alex, for his good-natured humor. Callie, for her general awesomeness.

31. What are your favorite names? 
Frances. May. Luella. Delce.

32. What is it that you most dislike? 
Mustard.

33. What is your greatest regret? 
Before 9/11, when I was in high school, my friends would go to the airport and talk to travellers who were coming and going. I regret that I never did that.

34. How would you like to die? 
I'd like to keel over right after revealing the punchline of a stupid, cheesy joke.

35. What is your motto?
Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.